


Why Midorima sends an angry complaint to Oha Asa

by Matloc



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Gen, Humor, I'm Sorry Tolkien, I'm so sorry, Kagami really just wants to cry, M/M, akakuroweek, doesn't actually reference LOTR much tho, fake LOTR-verse, so does Midorima
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 08:56:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3722920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Matloc/pseuds/Matloc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crack!AU where Kuroko wakes up thinking he’s in the LOTR-verse. Hijinks ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Midorima sends an angry complaint to Oha Asa

**Author's Note:**

> happy AkaKuro week, guys!

 

The first thing Kuroko does when he wakes up is check the calendar. He is right, the fated day has come. Today will be the day he will venture out onto his destined path. The seraphs have sung for centuries an ode to this day alone.

Today, Kuroko will fulfill his destiny as the true bearer of the ring. Well, he’s actually delegated that task onto Midorima’s shoulders, his most trusted ally.

But first, he must bring forth a powerful squadron to combat the perils ahead.

Kagami is, of course, his first choice.

“G'morning, Kuroko…” Kagami greets him with a yawn, and Kuroko can only cluck his tongue at how ill-prepared his  _de facto_  right-hand man is.

“There is no time for idle chatter. We must prepare for battle, for it might be our hardest yet!” Kuroko declares.

“Huh?” Kagami scratches his head, eyes still droopy from sleep, “I don’t remember there being any practice matches today.”

“Fool, this is no mere practice. It is a matter of life and death.” Kuroko doesn’t sound intimidating when he speaks in his typical monotone, but it’s enough for Kagami to look at him like he has grown two heads. “Where is your weapon?” Kuroko demands, astonished.

Kagami only continues to sputter at Kuroko’s behavior. The blue-haired Warrior of Destiny sighs, before heading towards the school grounds.

“Wait, where’s my bat!” A young unfortunate lad cries, but Kuroko will make sure to honor his sacrifice. A weapon is necessary in their grand odyssey to the ends of the earth, after all. He pops back into Kagami’s vision after having snuck out of the batting grounds, making the taller boy scream.

Kuroko is already used to it. He thrusts the baseball bat into Kagami’s arms and says, “Now let us be on our way.” He marches down the corridor.

“What the fu—wait, Kuroko! Goddammit!” Kagami, confused as he is, can only follow him like a baby chicken.

He stumbles into the smaller boy when Kuroko stops all of a sudden, sending him right onto the floor. A darkly tanned hand saves him before he could have made friends with the asphalt.

“Oi, Tetsu! Be careful, man!” Aomine pulls him up none too gently. Kuroko confers that Kagami is a brute and Aomine is no better.

But he is grateful that the ground didn’t rob him of his dignity. “I’m alright, thank you, Aomine-kun.”

Kagami points a finger at the newcomer. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Eh,” Aomine yawns, “Tetsu called me here. Don’t see why he had to call me up at 5 in the damn morning, though.” He glares at the offender, who only returns it with a placid stare.

“I informed Aomine-kun that we’d be proceeding at the break of dawn. Yet you have not come prepared either, I see. Where is your weapon?” Kuroko sighs, “Nevermind, you have the strength of a savage so you can make do with your fists.”

“Hah?” Aomine yells, but he hardly gets a chance to protest when a new intruder pops in.

“Kurokocchi!” Kise lunges towards Kuroko’s side, the faithful dog that he is. “I thought I was supposed to pick you up at your school for our date. What are these two doing here!” He points at the two barbarians, who are quick to take offense.

“Go die, Kise! Tetsu, why did you call this guy?”

“He is also part of my legion, Aomine-kun.” Kuroko explains calmly.

“Oh?” Kise brightens up, “Is that what they call fanclubs these days? Kurokocchi’s so cool!” He looks like he’s about to pounce on Kuroko any minute now. Kuroko seems oddly used to Kise’s antics, however.

“Seriously though, Tetsu, what are we doing here so early in the morning on a damn  _Saturday_? Why is your school even open?” Aomine complains, holding back another yawn.

“They’re preparing for their Sports Festival next week.” Comes Midorima’s voice from the back of the group, and Kagami swears he’s about to have a break down if one more Miracle freak shows up.

The rest seem unfazed, Kise speaking up first, “Oh, so that’s why there are so many people here today! I had to escape a a bunch of girls to reach you, you know.” He pouts at Kuroko, who proceeds to ignore the blond. He turns to his bespectacled ally.

“Midorima-kun,” he greets, “Have you brought the ring?”

“Your lucky item for today? Yes, here.” He surfaces a metallic ring with nonsensical characters inscribed on it. “This is too cheap for the effort it took to find it.” He doesn’t add that it was Takao who toiled over the flea market at 5 in the morning to look for weird accessories.

“Good,” Kuroko nods in approval, finally satisfied that someone is taking it seriously and has come prepared. “Now we must head to the maw of Demon’s Keep. Onwards!” Kuroko resumes his solemn march to what might possibly be the gates of Hell.

“Eh? What does that mean?” Kise asks, trailing after the blue-haired boy.

“I think he means the gym.” Kagami speaks after a long time. He has finally gotten used to Kuroko’s unusually dramatic flair in his speech today. Is this the roleplay thing he’s heard so much about? “Japan is fucking weird…” He mutters, following after the group.

The sight that greets Kagami at the gym brings him to near tears. “Of course those two are here!” He pulls at his hair in utter despair. The two males standing in the middle of the gym turn towards the entrance.

“Ah, Kuro-chin’s here.” The taller of the two drawls, munching on potato chips.

“There you are, Tetsuya.” Akashi greets in a pleasant tone.

“You have shown your face at long last! My arch-nemesis, Sauron!” Kuroko yells at the fiend who has heterochromatic eyes.

The entire gym goes quiet.

Murasakibara keeps eating.

Kuroko clears his throat, glancing down at the writing on his hand. He fails at being discreet. “A…kashi, oh, so that is the name you use in this mortal realm. I see. Very well then, Akashi-kun.”

Akashi blinks. “I can’t seem to follow, Tetsuya. For what reason have you summoned us?” He narrows his eyes, “Though I cannot say I am very pleased to find out that it is not just me you have called here.”

“I cannot defeat you without the help of my fellow warriors, Akashi-kun,” Kuroko states. “Midorima-kun, please use the ring!”

Midorima darts his eyes from the blue-haired boy to Akashi back and forth, “What exactly do you want me to do with this?” he holds up the ring.

Kuroko answers with a blank stare, “I am not aware. Aren’t you supposed to be well-read in the art of exorcising demons, Midorima-kun?”

Midorima’s fidgeting now, “D-demons?” he gawks. Is this gym haunted?

“Oh,” Akashi cuts in with a suspiciously elated voice, “I seem to have an idea of what is transpiring here.” He walks towards Midorima, who is feeling rather nervous now. “Shintarou, would you mind giving me the ring?”

“But Kuroko needs it.” Midorima swears Oha Asa promised him good fortune today.

“I will not ask again, Shintarou.”

Midorima doesn’t need a clearer warning than that. He wordlessly hands the ring over to Akashi.

Kuroko is left gaping at his green-haired brethren—well, traitor. “How could you, Midorima-kun? Now we will never find out how to defeat him.” He cries in anguish.

“You wish to defeat me, Tetsuya?” At Kuroko’s nod, Akashi tells him to hold out his hand.

“Umm…” Kuroko looks at the ones he can still trust, and they all just shrug. “Okay.” He puts his hand out.

Akashi smiles just then, and slides the ring onto Kuroko’s finger.

The gym falls into a deathly silence for the second time that day.

“Did he just—” Kagami’s cut off by Kise’s wail.

“Akashicchi proposed to Kurokocchi! Noooo!”

Midorima’s glasses crack. “What the hell, Akashi?”

“Akashi, you bastard! Where are you taking Tetsu? Hey come back here!” Aomine tries to run after Akashi, who’s gently steering a shell-shocked Kuroko out of the gym with a hand on his back.

But Murasakibara,  _that bastard_ , trips him. “Sorry, Mine-chin, but Aka-chin’s scary when he’s mad.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Trivia: Midorima is supposed to be Gandalf
> 
> Wow, so I just realized there are actually people who have subscribed to me OH MY GOD Σ(ಠิωಠิ|||) and I've been thinking about slowing down the updates a little so that those nice people don't get spammed by emails whenever I post something, since I do post quite frequently. I guess I'll be posting my stuff on tumblr first before bringing them over here. That seems like an okay arrangement, right?
> 
> Until next time (￣(ｴ)￣)ﾉ


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